Confessions of a Daughterless Mother

I dragged his bag behind me. The noise from the wheels rolling through the stray rocks in the parking lot grinding like gentle background music. I dipped my head as I pulled open the high school door, pulling my hat down over my eyes. If I was a good mom I wouldn't be bringing him his baseball bag he forgot. If I was a good mom I would let him learn from the consequences -- missing the second day of baseball try outs. I was both embarrassed and poised to defend my decision should anyone ask. My words spilled out of my mouth faster than I could catch them when I presented the bag and my purpose to the school secretary. Things like, "just this once!" and "teenagers" with a roll of my eyes. My heart pounded faster than it needed to and I turned with a smile--practically running out of the office before I could be chastised for bringing my kid what he forgot. Knowing that I didn't believe a word I just said. It wouldn't be just this once and it's...

I remember my first steps into the halls of my high school --- I was hesitant, unsure. I remember scanning the sea of people looking for a friendly face and not finding one. I remember what I wore when I took the ACT (I also remember not knowing--at all--what the ACT actually was). I remember standing outside taking pictures with friends after our high school Swing Out assembly. I remember standing outside the door of my first college class, trying to screw up the courage to walk inside. Honestly, I didn't. I went on day two. My first year of college? I also remember skipping class. A lot. I dropped classes and changed majors more often than I took tests and I certainly had no business wasting my parent's money on being completely aimless and avoiding anything difficult. Don't get me wrong, I had three jobs and I usually worked hard at them. Until I got tired, and then I called in sick (which I was - no one should work from 5am until 3am and try to g...